Gotcha

Times Journalist Anthony Browne named Prat of the Year by LTDA

By Steve McNamara

Immediately following publication of Anthony Browne's offensive article, the LTDA lodged a protest with the Press Complaints Commission. It was then decided the the charming Mr Browne would benefit from a taste of direct taxi trade action.

Posing as a Ministry of Defence mole, and following a carefully prepared script, I rang Mr Browne in his capacity as the Environmental Editor of the Times. I informed dear Anthony that I was very concerned about the regular secret flights into Northolt Aerodrome of unmarked transport planes, carrying highly unstable nuclear waste from the reprocessing plant at Sellafield.

I convinced him that this activity constituted a serious threat to anyone living within 20 miles of the flight path. I couldn't believe my luck when he started gagging for the story and readily divulged his mobile telephone number, urging me to come back to him as quickly as possible with further information.

We agreed a code name or "Mr X" and over the course of the next few weeks we spoke on a number of occasions, during which I escalated the story to a ridiculous level. I could feel the excitement in his voice when I dropped my final bombshell - the next flight into Northolt would coincide with a time when the Queen was scheduled to fly out.

"That's unbelievable", said Anthony, and he was right, because I had just made it up! In my guise as "Mr X" I lured our gullible journalist to Pratt Street, Camden Town, with the promise of flight manifestos and full details of the Queens exposure to the nuclear risk.

Doing my best to look the part, I dressed up as a follicly challenged Michael Caine, attired in my best Harry Palmer raincoat. I gave Mr Browne short notice of the meeting and he duly cancelled all his appointments on the day, in order not to miss his opportunity of a lifetime. To ensure that I would be able to recognise him, it was agreed that he would walk up and down with a copy of the Times poking out of his briefcase!

Following a warm handshake, I directed the ever gullible Anthony straight into the arms of the waiting LTDA hit squad led by General Secretary Bob Oddy who duly presented him with his "Prat of the Year" certificate, accompanied by a rapturous round of applause from the attending Santa's, much to the delight of Camden's passers by. I wonder how long it will be before the cab shelters and cafes resound to the cry "I had that dopey journalist in the back of my cab"

Read Anthony Browne's mythical article by clicking here